Table of Contents
I. General model of existential non-prescriptive life coaching
Basic principles of methodology.
Goals and objectives.
The program of non-prescriptive existential life-coaching
II. Description of the second stage of «Creative self-realization». The «Master of
The first direction — the development of subjectivity
The second direction — the development of integrity
The third direction — the development of authenticity
III. Examples of practical methods and techniques
An example of the first phase of the program
IV. The third stage of study «Aspects of psychological maturity of the individual»
I. General model of existential non-prescriptive life-coaching
I want to describe the people who work with me get serious results, who, simply put, is progressing rapidly, with pleasure and with maximum efficiency. It is those who are experiencing a kind of «vexation of spirit» whom «something is missing», even when everything seems to be there for happiness. When life is not something important, something important, which makes it valuable. Those who are dissatisfied with the quality of their lives, the lack of meaning in it, the lack of it himself. Those who would like to have a closer, deeper relationship with another man.
Relations with oneself. Peace with oneself. One who is in a state of existential crisis, existential yearning. Who cares about the existential questions: «Who am I and why am I here? And what can I do so that my life has become really mine?». And, of course, those who want to change something and are ready to work. Ready to leave the role of passive victims of circumstance and become master of one’s destiny. One who came to realize the necessity of the affirmation of one’s self-worth, to the need for inner freedom, making one’s own unique features and unique strategy of building one’s own life.
The idea of coaching was born in sports when it was necessary to prepare a person to achieve a result. Important for the development of coaching was the work of sports coach Timothy Galway, who created his own humanistic principles and a whole school of coaching with his disciple John Whitmore. Timothy Galway in 1974 published the book «The Inner Game of Tennis», which first described his vision of coaching. Since then coaching has long been used in management under the name of business coaching.
In life coaching it is important to study the client’s life as a whole in order to maintain balance and a harmonious combination of different spheres of life. The creator and founder of life coaching is considered to be Thomas J.Leonard. He is also considered one of the three founders of coaching. In 1998 the publishing house Amazon called Thomas the «father of personal coaching» or «life coaching».
Life coaching — a system of professional relations between an expert in the field of life coaching and the client, as expressed in the support and accompanying of a man until he has received the desired result in accordance with his request [ Wikipedia].
In our method the basic principles of life coaching also work: life coaching is the art of helping a person to achieve his goals and objectives through the awareness and realization of the potential of the person; the technology of life coaching focuses not on «teaching a man a single skill» but to develop the client’s «ability to learn» in the course of his life, to find creative solutions and answers to difficult situations in life, depending on his own internal resources and capabilities to achieve the best results. All that can be said also about existential life coaching.
The difference may be that existential life coaching aims not only to achieve (the desired result), but also to attain comprehension (understanding and experience) for a meaningful transformation and comprehension of the process of this transformation, understanding ourselves and the surrounding reality: «Not only a goal, but also a meaning». Likewise, there is the need for one’s own life experience as interesting and fulfilled, the feeling of pleasure from the creative process of one’s own life, that is, the pleasure is not only the result but the process itself.
And, of course, existential life coaching aims to develop the basic existential reality of one’s personal identity: inner freedom and personal responsibility, self-sufficiency, the ability to create something new, the ability to be in loneliness with comfort, psychological maturity, tolerance of uncertainty, acceptance of oneself and as a result of acceptance of another in all his otherness, the value of one’s own uniqueness and the uniqueness of another.
The value of life and acceptance of death. Aspirations to understanding and enjoyment of one’s own beginning of significance. Acceptance is not at a level consistent with the existence of shared values, but at the level of in-depth experience of these values as one’s own inner truth.
Existential life coaching is directed primarily to the fact that the person has learned to consciously carry out his existence. But non-prescriptive it is because a person can realize his existence only by his will and according to his own sense of inner truth, and non-legislative methods of work are the most conducive to this.
Thus, the existential life-coaching aims to ensure that people have learned to consciously carry out their existence — the existence of the subjectivity. A non-prescriptive existential life-coaching is because a person can realize their existence only by his will and according to his own sense of inner truth, and this contributes to the most non-prescriptive approach — a special relationship to the man, his unique inner world, which gives the opportunity to experience their own value. In addition, the establishment of relations in which this is possible — this is a very fruitful work, developing all participants of the proccess.
So, definition. Existential non-prescriptive life-coaching is a non-prescriptive method of helping clients to achieve the performance of their tasks and goals, creative implementation, finding existential meaning and fullness of life in the exercise of its existence, where the coach helps the self-formation of the personality of the client, following his client’s sense of truth. Thus the identity of the client is generated from within the client. The method allows one to form new strategies of behavior, which are the result of insight, or are determined by the result.
Basic principles of methodology:
1. The system approach. A person in his being in the world is considered as a system of relationships. There are three circles of relationship: 1 – with oneself, 2 – with another, 3 — with life. The first round of the relationship with oneself — it is an internal part of the system, which also has three spaces: the relationship with the body, with emotions, with consciousness, and most of the work focuses on the knowledge of these spaces, their acceptance and the ability to manage them. Man as a central part of this system, is committed to becoming a master of both its interior spaces, as well as its external; to become a master, able to recognize and regulate all these spaces according to his choice.
2. Integrity. The person then feels the fullness of life and the involvement in his own living being, when he is opened to his experiences at all levels, both body, and emotions and consciousness.
3. The self-formation of personality. Following his own inner sense of truth and beauty, a man comes to himself, and only he can know what he wants to be and what kind of life he wants to live. Thus the client’s identity is formed inside the client, and then he himself fully consciously creates for himself a life outside, his authentic inner truth.
4. Authenticity. Learning to listen to oneself and learning to build a life according to one’s inner truth that is to live authentically.
5. Creativity. It is a way to own a powerful resource, it is the very life energy, that healing power that lies within us as our own inexhaustible resource.
6. Energy. The principle of the search resource: «Without a buzz, there is no Life». In his choice of his own life to focus on the increase of energy that feels like joy, emotional lift, fun. Whence joy resounds, there lies life’s power.
7. Subjectivism. The development of self-awareness, self-reflection, self-transcendence, self-reliance, responsibility, i.e., the establishment of the Master, capable of controlling and wanting to manage his own resources – thus the subject or an author forms himself.
8. Uniqueness . Everyone eventually forms for himself his own technology to create his happy life
9. Love. Having met his own life, man becomes able to meet with the other as a subject, is able to enter into a resonance relationship, capable of deep emotional intimacy he becomes able to truly love. And then love makes him even more open, more humane and opens up the possibility of many sincere relations. Furthermore, as the ability to share the love of being with another person, it becomes a resource — it gives energy for development, raises to a new level, makes the loved one even more essential and in his life it becomes more essential.
Goals and objectives
1. Relationship with oneself. Harmonization of relations with oneself, the knowledge and acceptance of his inner world, the reduction of internal conflicts, self-credibility. Advanced self-perception, the formating of integrity. Formation of ability for creative self-expression and self-actualization. Formation of skills of self-control. The formation of psychological maturity.
2. Relationships with others. Understanding and acceptance of others. Development of empathy, skills of building resonant relationships and the ability to build successful interpersonal relationships.
3. Relationship with life. Formation of abilities to create their own authentic life according to one’s own conception.
4. Existential meaning. The formation and development of the qualities of the person that will lead to the attainment of «existential meaning», which feels like a «fullness of life», as the «real» life as performance and as a deep happiness. These qualities are: self-distancing and self-transcendence, freedom and responsibility, self-worth, meaningfulness, personality and existentiality (in the terminology of A. Alfried Längle).
Features of existential non-prescriptive life-coaching
1. Non-prescriptive life coaching directed not only to realize their potential, but also to detect the nature of that potential for the discovery of the source of their own energy, their resources and the ability to use this source. As well as the opening of the joy, the pleasure of realizing this potential. In this way, one can also attain to one’s own source of infinite power: the power of search and detection of growth it is accompanied by a (release) of energy, personal strength, and it feels like joy, sublime pleasure, creative fun, flying, etc. This is the energy that is essential for life. That is, the working principle of the method: «Without a buzz, no Life».
2. Non-prescriptive life-coaching aims to develop primarily existential qualities of the person: inner freedom and personal responsibility, the personality and existentiality, the ability to create new things, capacity «to be single» with comfort, psychological maturity, tolerance to uncertainty, acceptance of oneself and, as a result, acceptance of the different other, the value of one’s uniqueness and the uniqueness of the other. Also awareness of the value of life and acceptance of the fact of the finiteness of life. The quest for understanding and enjoyment of the development of its own semantic beginning. The personal and existential. The value of one’s own subjectivity and value of the right to be the subject of another.
3. The aim is the formation of the integrity of the person due to the expansion of perception to the level of physicality.
4. The system approach.
5. The special relationship with the client. The special relationship as a result of «Meetings» in Martin Buber’s «between»-state, where «Ego of the basic word «Ego» — «Thou», and not «Ego-Id» , meeting the living being with the living being, that is, the subject-subject relations, which contribute to the formation of subject-subject relationships of a client with other people.
6. As a result of such relations a transformation is produced not only with clients, but also with a coach . They are — one unit.
The program of non-prescriptive existential life-coaching
The training program is designed for one and a half years of work — 3 semesters, each semester 4 mini — sessions. Meeting once a week, the duration of the meetings is 1.5 hours. Practical tasks, evenly distributed by mini-sessions, become more complex and are fulfilled insofar as their implementation and development.
Semester I . Personal development course.
Goals and Objectives of the course:
A deeper understanding of themselves, their attitudes and unconscious scenarios, their desires and goals. Harmonization of relations with oneself, reduction in internal conflicts, self-credibility. Expanded perception of themselves. Formation of integrity.
Formation of skills to recognize and differentiate their bodily experiences and their emotions, to understand and manage them. The ability to hear yourselves and your body.
Fundamentals of self-regulation. The development of self-awareness and self-reflection.
Formation of appraisal of self-reliance. Acceptance of oneself, development of self-appraisal and personality. Formation of subjectivity.
Understanding others: their unconscious attitudes, motives and goals. Understanding and acceptance of others. Development of empathy, resonant relationship-building skills. Improving interpersonal relations. Improving their lives.
Techniques: «Fairy Tale», «Family History», «Table of relationship», «Table of objectives», «Contact with the body», «Language of sensations», «Trust in oneself», «I’m at home inside myself», «Training sociability», «Meeting I-Thou».
Tasks: development of techniques and received practical application ; diary and protocol training.
For self-study: educational materials and video workshops www.saga.od.ua
II semester. The course of creative self-realization.
Goals and Objectives of the course:
Disclosure of creativity, discovery and investigation of their own creative resources, development of the ability to create something new. The development of self-reliance, responsibility, i.e., the establishment of the Master, capable of managing and wanting to manage his resources.
Developing the ability of self-distancing and self-transcendence .
The skills of self-control. The concept of the mechanism of self-esteem and working with it. Formation of inner freedom. Formation of authenticity, the ability to line up the outer life according to one’s inner truth, that is to live authentically. Skills of authorship of one’s life.
Techniques: «The Master of inspiration», «List of impressions», «Express — method», «Fairy Tale» part 2 (My ideal future in 15 years), «Adoption of one’s advantages», «Comrade Sartre», «Sensitivity training», «Meeting I -Thou» part 2, training in «How to do trainings». Tasks: development of techniques and received practical application; diary and protocol training. For self-study: educational materials and video workshops www.saga.od.ua
III semester. The course «Aspects of the psychological maturity of the individual».
Goals and Objectives of the course: Formation of psychological maturity.
Changing attitudes to basic existential givens as a way of personal growth and formation of psychological maturity.
The formation and development of the personality traits that lead to the attainment of «existential meaning», which feels like a «fullness of life», as the «real» life as performance and as a deep happiness. These qualities are: self-distancing and self-transcendence, freedom and responsibility, self-worth, meaningful, personal and existential (in the terminology of A. Alfried Längle).
Development of the capacity for empathy, building of resonant relationship skills. Building successful interpersonal relationships.
Creating your life according to one’s own conception.
Technique: «The Tale. Part 3 (About the most beautiful person), «Training» meeting of I-Thou», «Four present questions», «Being alone as an adult», «Study of dependent relationships», «Research of manifestations of ego states of Child-Parent-Adult on basic existential givens», «The meeting I-Thou» part 3.
Tasks: development of techniques and received practical application; diary and protocol activities of meetings.
For self-study: Yalom I. Existential psychotherapy. Part III. Isolation; Kharash A. Psychology of loneliness; Berne, E. Transactional analysis in psychotherapy; Martin Buber, «I and Thou»; The Alfred Alfried Längle article «Is love happiness?»; educational materials and video workshops www.saga.od.ua.
The following is a detailed description of the second phase ( semesters) and an example of the first phase of the program «The course of personal development».
II. Creative self-realization. The «Master of inspiration» — technique.
The act of creativity is an integral part of human nature, an integral part of Being. When we create — we are existing, we are living, we are breathing deeply. 
Merab K. Mamardashvili wrote about the creativity of the writer in «Lectures on Proust»: «The text is something within which a person is born of this, that he creates the text» . That is, doing the creativity, the man creates, produces primarily himself. Creator and creation — are one.
Creativity — a way to one’s authentic self.
Creativity contributes to the formation of Man in man. The formation of authenticity (in the creative process, I’m coming into my true nature, I meet with my own deepness), self-reflection (I understand what I do and what kind of results I’m getting), consciousness (I am aware of myself and my acts), selfdependence (I do it myself only and no one else can feel for me how beautiful and right it is), as well as inner freedom (without inner freedom it is impossible to create new things: when a man is hamstrung into the framework of what he has been taught, he can only repeat it, that is, copy it, and he needs to create a new inner freedom), confidence (to create the new, i.e. to go beyond the usual need to believe in oneself and the right to one’s own choice, the need to lean on oneself, on one’s own inner core).
And, as a consequence, creativity promotes the emergence of self-respect and stability in self-esteem, harmony with oneself, psychological well-being and life satisfaction. Although it is too dry, «satisfaction with life» — an inspiration of Life. Falling in love with Life.
Creativity — a way to own powerful resources, such as the power of motivation and vitality. Creation according to Nicolay A. Berdyaev has «power is of the growth of power in the world»  — it is the very life energy, is the healing power that lies within us as our own inexhaustible resource, you only need to learn how to use it. Creativity in any kind and in any form.
Life-creativity — the most exciting form of creativity.
Formation of skills of managing one’s creative resources — the purpose of the author’s technique of «Master of inspiration».
The technique of «Master of inspiration».
In this procedure, attention is focused on the development of personal qualities which are required for the ability to create, to create something new. There are:
1 — subjectivity, 2 — integrity, 3 — authenticity.
The first direction — the development of subjectivity
The development of subjectivity and existentiality.
«The subject — a being with consciousness and will, capacity for purposeful activity» (GSE), «Active self-conscious beginning of the spiritual life» (Wikipedia).
«Subjectivity — the ability to be a subject, to be the source of the activity, to be a cause» (Encyclopedia of Practical Psychology). But subjectivity means not only being the cause. Being the subject is also a perception of oneself as a subject to be treated as a subject: how to essentially live, think and feel, which is to be aware of oneself, and have the right to be oneself; and have a relation to the other as a subject.
Existence — this is the existence of the subject, a conscious existence, being the subject. Existence — to exist, from lat. Exsistentia, from the verb ex-sisto, ex-sistere — to act, to go, to discover oneself, to exist, to rise up, to show oneself, to become, to make oneself.
The authenticity of human existence is associated with human «determination, the ability to be out of one’s self», the ability to collect himself «from scattering and incoherence» and come to himself (M. Heidegger); «Recognizing and taking on one’s own authorship of the total unworthiness of one’s choices, decisions and personal responsibility» (Sartre) (History of Philosophy: Encyclopedia).
Without subjectivity there is no creativity, because the very act of creation requires the presence of a creator, one who creates — the Master, the one who is aware of the act – the Subject. Without existence there is no creativity and, I’m afraid, there is no existence without creativity. Because without creativity there is no sound of my existentially authentic life, the experience of the fullness of life and its meaningfulness.
By the word «creativity» in this case I mean the creation of something new in general, the process of construction and the ability to create. In this case, the creative process becomes an integral part of life and a private life becomes a creative act. In a natural way then life becomes both filled and full of meaning and hotly loved.
You are falling in love with this life because it’s your life, your life becomes an existential expression of your subjectivity, i.e. becomes a reflection of the unknown beauty that has always lived in the soul; it’s unrecognized because it’s unmanifested. And now it appears, is revealed to you like a flower; your inner fairy tale becomes a reality. And it comes through your own authentic Face, because you yourselves, the authentic you are manifesting in reality for yourselves and the world through this act of creativity.
The purpose of exercising this orientation: the development of self-awareness, self-reflection, self-transcendence, self-reliance, responsibility, i.e., the establishment of the Master, capable of controlling and wanting to manage his resources.
The Master — this is the «I», who is present, to whom are presented three spaces: the space of bodily sensations, the emotional and sensual space sector and the space of consciousness. He is their steward. If he does not exist, then life belongs to someone else, but not to me, and ultimately it is «empty, meaningless, not mine, in vain passes away, etc».
There are keys to happiness in the hands of the Master, from his own life, from freedom, from beauty. And these keys are called responsibility, understanding and awareness.
So it is the process of forming the Subject, the Author. Author of himself: how I want to be, the author of his own life: what kind of life I want to live. And when he does all this consciously, that is, realizes that it’s he, it’s his inner world, his range of expression, his life, which becomes that with which he fills it, when he realizes that he alone can know what he wants and how to do it and no one else will do it for him, then he is formed as a subject.
A Subject which consciously manages the processes of his internal and external life. He consciously rules and he with pleasure creates himself and his own life.
The second trend — the development of integrity
It exercises the techniques of the author’s «Language of sensations» .
The purpose of the exercises in this direction: to learn how to recognize and differentiate one’s bodily experiences and emotions, to understand them and manage them, to get an expanded, more holistic perception of oneself and self-understanding, to know its own depth and be yourselves.
I really like (and it fits my description of) the representations of Alfred Alfried Längle’s being, leading to integrity: «The word «healing» speaks for itself: it means «the obtaining of integrity». Such being, when I trust these basics, when I go into this dimension and «spread my wings», when my roots are immersed in this depth and life-giving moisture rises up to me — such being allows me to gain integrity.
Here is openness, permeability, free space, here I am free from myself and therefore free for myself, free for everything else, free to let the Whole affect myself and bow before Him. Bow before the Great around us and before the Deep in us» .
I suggest that in the «language of sensations»-technique: 1) to explore the inner experience of the individual, expanding the scope of awareness on the sensations of the body — the attention to bodily experiences, to the signals the body gives of a more complete picture and that results in a clear understanding of oeself and one’ss values, to effectively address problems and 2) by an act of consciousness to manipulate tactile sensations, to simulate feelings — is a variant of psychic self-regulation.
This technique I use to work with the creative resources for the research, discovery and development of these resources and in the psychotherapeutic process as a method of psychological self-regulation . Understanding of the signals coming from your own body, your own awareness of bodily feelings is the basis on which attention is directed, and the activity which gives a real effect.
Simply speaking, the behavior programs, the settings are based in the body, they seem to «be registered» in the language of sensations in our flesh. And if you change the physical experiences – it turns off the program, the setting is changed! Not always, of course, in a precise time, but it changes. We must continue to work consciously to support new sensations and then the old installation loses strength and disappears.
Language of sensations — it’s easy. And we all know that. We just do not pay attention to it. This knowledge is always with us — the signals from our body. Every emotion is accompanied by bodily feelings (sensations). «Sensate quality» (as Merleau-Ponty)  — this is when I realize my condition not only at the level of consciousness (I think), but also on the level of feelings, emotions and sensations of the body, that is, holistically, in full, as an experience. Totally. Then I am totally included in life, in being.
The state of integrity is the state of the unity of body, soul, mind (feelings, emotions, consciousness), and that «I», which this unity recognizes and actually creates.
Methodology of «The language of sensations» aims to develop the skills to recognize the signals of our body, to differentiate information, bodily experiences, and a deeper understanding of one’s feelings, emotions and the reasons for one’s behavior; its purpose: an expanded, more holistic perception of oneself and the reorganization of life.
The methodology used for the research, discovery and development of personal resources, and in the psychotherapeutic process as a method of psychological self-control techniques using sensory reproductions of images of emotional states, and tactile sensations. In the process of achieving the goal of the method — the reorganization of the objective content of life and the reorganization of activities .
The third area — the development of authenticity
The purpose of the exercises in this direction — to learn to hear yourselves and learn to build a life, according to one’s inner truth, that is to live authentically.
The subjective space of man, his inner world is infinitely rich and beautiful. And in everyone lives a fairy tale, lives beauty that wants to be lived out. Living in an objective reality that is manifested in the world, is born into the world.
To live in objective reality corresponds to, it reflects, inner beauty and inner truth. Then people live their true life. Then he has well-being, he is satisfied, he is filled, he is happy. If he does not live that which wants to be lived, he is not satisfied, not happy, he has a growing sense of frustration, guilt before him and anger toward others.
How to avoid it? Work with your subjective space, discover and learn it, because inside there is an endless supply of energy and vitality, there inside is the infinite depth and beauty that wants to be manifested and lived in the external life.
Learn about their wealth in two ways: by the reflection in the mirror of the world’s culture and by a manifestation in one’s own creative work.
Culture — is a mirror of human subjectivity, and is a treasure trove of human subjectivity. As recognized by the reflection in the mirror of culture: in the contemplation of works of art by «response» if something in me responded — it awakened my beauty. This is MY beauty, I’m such a one — it is the basic principle of the methodology.
This should be well remembered, because this principle is very helpful in understanding onerself and gaining value for oneself. After all, nothing could speak, would not have responded if it was not in me. If my inner world was not built well, I would not have noticed this beauty, would not have noticed in general. And if I could hold it, then my inner world is more than this beauty, is richer than this beauty .
Also do not forget about the necessity and effectiveness of the acceptance of one’s merits, even as strange and surprising as it sounds. Because of social fear to be not like others; the fear of one’s own uniqueness loses a powerful resource. To fear one’s own uniqueness generates a complex outcast: often finding that I am not like everyone, this is not perceived positively as a gift, and is perceived as a punishment, a curse: not so — an outcast. That is, uniqueness as the only possibility to create is not yet established as a basic resource is not being used, and is carefully hidden, hidden from oneself.
Therefore, the acceptance of one’s beauty, one’s worthiness, is not only necessary for an understanding of oneself and the formation of the authenticity of his own life, but also a very effective way of producing an «energy source».
The “Master of inspiration» technique allows you to control what is called inspiration and considered unmanageable. The owner of inspiration — is the one who knows about your abilities, talents, opportunities, knows where his subjective space lies and how to use it, knows and is able to competentlyuse it.
The technique, as a minimum, eliminates the danger of creative crises and emotional burnout. As a maximum, giving the opportunity to become the real author of himself and his life, when you are ruling all aspects of your being, including the most transcendental.
And besides, the creative realization of man, of each person, is beneficial to society as a whole, as it helps to create a safe and well-managed state: society, for the most part consists of self-sufficient, realized personalities, capable to organize their own business, to produce a creative and high-quality product, such a society will be both psychically healthy, and economically stable. And then the dream to «live in a beautiful world among beautiful people» can become a reality.
III. Examples of practical methods and techniques
Any of the methods offered to clients first check for a response, listen to yourself and determine whether or not respond, do you want to do this exercise or not, the client makes a decision under its domestic response. If there is no response, we try to change together, modify the exercise or looking for another ones. So, gradually the client learns to hear yourself and trust your own inner response, as well as learning to generate for yourself techniques to help him solve his problems without the help of others, that is learning to be a therapist to yourself and create own unique control technology of yourselves.
The method of «List of impressions or source of inspiration»
The task for a week — draw up a list of impressions. This is the first task, the first step in one’s own depth — just a list: this week attention is focused on something to remember in the past or in the present, to see something that left a strong impression, aroused strong positive emotions, admiration, delight, etc.
In carrying out this task within a week, we change very noticeably our own emotional background to a brighter, more positive one, which gives an increase of energy and motivation, helps in the following work and improves the relationship of others towards us.
At the next meeting we learn the second step — «to realize the impression» — we take every impression, every case and examine it: feelings, emotions, body sensations anew, emotions anew, until we understand what the tangible quality of ourselves is, what kind of beauty and power awakens in response, calling and wanting to be realized. Describing each quality in as much detail as possible, we dive into it.
We observe ourselves and ask the questions: In what activity was quality revealed in the past and in what activity is inspiration in the future? So «we are implementing the impression» — from the fixing of impressions to understanding one’s talents, strengths, desires, facets of one’s undisclosed beauty. The third step — practical: we think how it is possible for this beauty to be realized in our life, we prepare a step by step plan and we act.
The general scheme:
1. Find your qualities: determined according to the principle of «if I like something — this is my response». We find in the world, in nature, in culture something to respond to, enchanting qualities, defining the qualities ourselves, which want to be lived.
2. We investigate a quality and according to the quality we find an activity that allows us to unwind this quality, to demonstrate it, to live it out.
3. The implementation of the quality in the process of this activity in the external world so that it does not ache somewhere deep inside, but is demonstrated, shines, and beautifies life.
The objectives of the method «List of impressions»: a study of the client’s own subjective space for a deeper understanding of himself, finding his own resources and abilities, the formation of self-regulation skills, building skills to implement his own creativity. This method can be used in the same meeting as the rapid method.
«Impression » — a rapid method
1 — «Impression». Please remember the brightest positive impression. To name it and try to feel it now, to recreate the experience.
2 — «Sensate Quality». Please describe the quality of the experiences, feelings, emotions. Check every word / name correctly, matching. Find the exact quality that most closely matches the experience, or impressed most of all: «yes, this is what I’ve always dreamed of». Please focus on this quality.
Full perception — as much information as possible about this quality: “What sensations did the body experience?». We describe feelings and choose the most important one, which brings the greatest pleasure, joy, and the most «touching». So we find the most needed «tangible quality» . Please concentrate on this feeling.
3 — «Activities». And now to answer two questions: 1) In what other activities does the feeling arise? In what activity does this quality appear? What activities lead to this appearance? 2) What do I want to do in this state, what activity evokes this sensate quality, what inspires action?
Answers to these questions give those kinds of activities which are a place of strength and creativity. So you can easily find hidden abilities, talents of a person that are very helpful in life as a hobby, giving vitality and joy, or as a business which should be trained professionally, and it can be a business of life and source of income.
This method can be used not only for career guidance, but also for the prevention and care of burnout, in depressive states, to exit the crises and suicidal states in the work concerning formation of psychological maturity and emotional state management .
The method of «Fairy Tale».
Write an essay on the topic: «The Tale of the most beautiful person». It is not a fairy tale in the sense of the form of a literary work, it’s just a description of a fairy tale this job called for nothing limits the flight of fancy, to go beyond their own limits and complexes. The most wonderful person for me, just for me. «Fairy Tale» written necessarily from the «I want»-position.
Tale «from want» to be alive, not alive — means false, time for yourselves, you should try to be more honest, more precisely, to a fairy tale come to life, to fall in love with this story, that she was fascinated, captivated, captured, he shone inside and not allowed sleep at night — and it needs to be very precise about their «want». Select only what reacts.
And as much as possible detailed description: What he says, where he works, it looks like, how to dress, he loves what is that drinkers than interested, make friends with anyone, where he lives, what his house, dog, car, etc. Every detail of the check on the response, consult with your inner truth — is revoked or not, the principle of «cold — hot»: it warms the this part or not. If not — we remove it and look for another one that is more accurate, which will respond, which resound.
Here we develop the authenticity, the ability to hear yourselves and be honest with yourselves. We listen to the response. Always. If the response is not — it is not ours, it is a deceit, hypocrisy. If there is no response, there is no energy to achieve this value, will be a disappointment, the loss of time and energy of life, and they are not infinite — the time and energy.
That is, we go for a response, and so accumulating this skill, as if we were beating a path to its own depth, to their own wealth, to his present.
Do not be afraid of the most transcendent dreams, they need to recognize and prescribe — because we remember that if something ignited in me — this I am, this is what I really want to live.
It hurts just from the fact that I do not live, I painfully miss what friends and loved one — for a present . And desperation is felt because of the stupid setup » it is not me, I never like to become, not given to me, I am not worthy, every cricket stick to his last, and so on». It is necessary to change the setting, and everything will start to receive.
Here are shown the various forms of negative attitudes. We have them to detect, identify and work with them to stop their influence on our behavior and our lives.
This is the beginning stories, not necessarily it should be finished in one week, but it should be started.
While we are writing a story, we direct your attention to the positive aspects, we tune on his dream and stained his life emotional states are more in tune with this dream. While we were writing it, changing our emotional background, background shapes behavior, and so quietly starting to change our lives. This week we get closer to his dream.
But the tusk is not only for this. We write a story, to know yourselves, your desire to discover their own wealth to open a resource on which we rely, with whom we work on already realized (the first stage of life was changing quickly, and we remember that we need to cultivate a host, is the most important because no matter how much life has changed quickly, if we did not create this consciously, it can always leave just as it is in itself).
That is, the tusk allows, first, to find out their wishes and resources, and secondly, to identify and installation scripts that interfere to create for themselves the kind of life you want to live. So the first step — write a story. This step involves deep immersion in genuine own subjective space.
The second step — to name and describe the tangible qualities of these qualities to work as well as in the exercise «List of impressions», then find the emotional background of the tale, which is most responsive and try to be in the background of this during the week. The emotional background will smoothly integrate into the fairy tale real life, manifest in life, as it were, to be born. This step also involves inner work, study their emotions and skills to manage their emotions and to structure its own emotional background.
The third step — to choose from a fairy tale that most want to live, to write down these items and write a step by step plan for the project and the project for three months. And to do that. The third step involves action. That is the first step — the creation of a fairy tale, the second — the creation of an emotional background to go, and the third — the embodiment of fairy.
The method of «Fairy Tale» makes it possible to see the reality. To see their real goal, their «real» desires — those desires that speak, inspire, give energy, filled with force. Thanks to the «Fairy Tale» becomes visible real target. Thus, the problem of the method «Fairy Tale» — find a resource, support, learn their «real» desire, to then go to achieve these desires.
Exercises «Fairy Tale» and «List of impressions» can continue updating and adding new details to turn out the ability to understand themselves and learn self-control.
The method of «making their merits». We need to find something to be ashamed of his virtues and «love» in these qualities. Remember to list the advantages, to find those who are ashamed of and therefore do not show, or are rare. Falling in love: to admire, enjoy these qualities shine them consciously connect to these qualities clearly positive emotions, in fact, change the attitude.
To do this, do the following: 1 — recall all situations, where the quality showed and it turned out beautifully, right; describe how beautiful it was, noting including corporal experience; 2 — remember when seen from other manifestation of this; describe how it is beautiful, including the signals of the body; 3 — to model how to be expressed and what beauty has turned out as well to be attentive to the sensations of the body. That is to do everything to ensure that awareness of the presence at these virtues evoked an emotional response of joy, delight, admiration — a holistic response, embodied in physical experiences.
Then the manifestation of these qualities in real life will be accompanied by no shame, but pride, then you will want to show they and to share.
The method of «restore self-credibility». Write a list of situations in which you make conscious choices, trusting your own request, «listen to your own heart». The list contains of not less than 5 points. Further, you make a table of three columns. The first column contains of the situation itself,
result — in the second column, in the third — the value of this option, the acquired quality of yourselves. When the table is complete, we review it and draw conclusions. Further work with the third column. We try to experience these qualities themselves, describing feelings and sensations of the body.
We enter so in the first quality, and then add the following without losing the previous one. So we collect the entire volume of the whole. It is in this volume, describing its tangible qualities and feelings, paying attention to how to strengthen the credibility, confidence, self worth.
The method of «choice». The objectives of the method — the formation of self-reflection, self-reliance, responsibility, and psychological maturity. In the first semester we start to use this method with a simple exercise «choice». It is necessary to be aware of during the day and night, perform this action with the following position: that I have decided to carry out this action, it is my own choice, I want this or I needed it, but this is my own personal free choice. And praise myself, happy for myself, «Now, when I select, I’m own, I’m free, I’m strong, I’m done!».
As a result of this exercise appears meaningful action, awareness of independence and responsibility for their lives, there is a personal strength and vitality, as well as the experience of a real involvement in the life of its own.
During fulfilling further work it may be modified text of the exercises as needed, leaving the essence of the method: focus on the realization of their own choice at the moment of choice and to accompany that choice positive emotional reinforcement that allows you to create an emotional support and a sense of security in order to be with a more sincere, be in a relationship with a less hypocrisy and guilt, but by and large give yourself the right to be themselves and experience the power and joy of involvement in life at the time.
Method of «Four of the real issue»
1.What you have a favorite work? (for me personally : it is, as it — feelings, sensations, the quality of me, which I still, when it — when it happens, in what situations?)
2. What is the real creativity? (for me personally: it’s like this, when it)
3. What is real life ? (for me personally: it’s like this, when) What is not real .
4. What is the real me? (for me personally: it’s like this, when it)
The answer to these questions yourselves, for each of the four issues in three areas, some of the areas will provide an opportunity to see the thing we need. Write discovery and concludes. Exercise effectively works also in group training. The golden rule of «resource extraction» techniques: it needs the questions that guide the client to the fact to be «more authentic» — more honest with yourselves, to be closer to his true himself now, because this is life, there is the energy and strength, and knowledge. Therefore, the authenticity — a resource state. All exercises are techniques you can use to solve a creative crisis and for its prevention.
An example of the first phase of the program — the women’s rate of personal development. Application of the «Fairy Tale»
These techniques I use both for individual work and in group training.
1. Method of «The Tale of the perfect woman».
2. The method of «Family history».
3. The method of «Table relationship».
4. The method of «Table of objectives».
1. Method of «The Tale of the perfect woman». Write an essay on the theme of «The Tale of the ideal woman, her ideal partner and ideal relationship». Run the task, observing all the requirements for the «fairy tale»: the most authentic and as fully as possible in three ways: he, she and their relationship. We are working on a fairy tale at least a week to immerse yourselves in this quality, «soak», to feel, that resound. We bring results to the next meeting
2. The method of «Family history». Remembering his experience of the parents (or those who are educated) to respond as fully as possible the points to the following questions: What was the attitude of your mother: 1 — self, 2 — to the husband, 3 — to the family, 4 — to marriage in general 5 — to yourselves as a woman, 6 — women in general, 7 — the role of women in the family, 8 — to you as a daughter, 9 — to you as a future woman, 10 — from men in general, 11 — to the role of men in the family 12 — to own life, 13 – to happiness, 14 — to love, 15 — to have sex, 16 — to the money,17 — to work, 18 – to creativity.
And what was the attitude of your father: 1 — self, 2 — his wife, 3 — to his family, 4 — to marry at all, 5 — to yourselves as a man, 6 — to men in general, 7 — to the role of men in the family, 8 — to you as a daughter, 9 — to you as a future woman, 10 — in women in general, 11 — the role of women in the family, 12 — in his life, 13 — fortunately, 14 — to love, 15 — to have sex, 16 — money, 17 — to work, 18 — to creativity. In the process, it will be revealed a discoveries and conclusions, wrote in his diary, bring to the next meeting or group.
3. The method of «Table relationship». Analysis and reconstruction of family scenarios and attitudes. We make a table of 5 columns. The first column «value» small, it simply lists the value of the list (1 — to youself, 2 — to the husband, 3 — to the family, etc.). The second column «Family History», it is entered their answers from the task of the «Family history» for each item .
The third column, «My inherited attitudes», here we write that we have, that is inherited ones from the parent plant and how it has transformed us. The fourth column «Behavior» as «my inherited attitudes» affect the behavior that forced to do, what not to allow you to do. And fifth column «Tales» as the ideal woman in our tale relates to the issue or behaves in this matter.
While working on this task it comes redefining, many things become clear, many issues are resolved, I also propose to work a week at this task. The results of detection, the findings bring to the next meeting (or on the group).
4. The method of «Table of goals». Now we need to translate the tale into the goal. For this, make a new table of three columns: Column 1 — «what is presented on today», column 2 — «goals» (goals + tasks + step by step implementation plan ), 3 column — «fairy tales». In the first column of the preceding table are removed from the column «My inherited attitudes» that point that we want to change. This is something that has to date.
In the third column we make appropriate item from the column «fairy tale». This is what we really want, which is nice to dream, causing a warm feeling, «warms the soul». And it is because of the fact that it warms the soul, it is not realized — well, there must be a person ventage, and therefore attempts to translate a tale into the goal commonly cause resistance, it must be remembered, and overcome resistance.
When translating tales in the goal we translate ourselves from passive to active, from dreams to work. Therefore, the goal should not be described as an expectation, but as a challenge for myself, but step by step implementation plan as a list of necessary actions. Now, in the left column, we see that we are in the right hand column we see what we want. In the middle column prescribes the steps by which we are going to achieve the desired on the basis of an existing one.
IV. Something about the third stage of study «Aspects of psychological maturity of the individual».
The basic goal of the third stage — the formation of psychological maturity, work aims primarily to accept themselves as unique and separation, to accept the fact of their own loneliness and take full responsibility for themselves and their lives, as well as learn how to manage this responsibility with joy and get pleasure from life creativity process.
Aspects of psychological maturity. Those personal qualities that I have previously called the existential ones — it is in fact the quality of psychological maturity. The different approaches are referred to in different ways: personality qualities of selfactualization of A. Maslow («Selfactualization») , maturity of G. Allport («Formation of the person») , mental health of Fromm («Healthy Society») , authenticity of James F.T. Bugental («Art of therapist»), existential and personal at Alfried Längle.
In my technique it sounds: «the Master of himself and his life» and «the Author himself and his life,» that is, the one who has himself, who consciously and of his own will manages all the processes of his inner and outer life, formates, creates himself and own life.
So, to summarize the above, you can see the main features of the psychologically mature person, such as the awareness and understanding of himself, acceptance of their own free choice and the responsibility for this choice, awareness finiteness of life and unconditional value of his life and the other person, the adoption of his separateness and uniqueness, and ability to deep sincere relationships with others, the ability to love, the ability to enter into a relationship at the level of subject-subject, at the level of I-Thou. These are the qualities of Homo sapiens. Adult. Wise.
The ability to love sincerely. The ability to create and build a new one. The ability to take their separateness and uniqueness, and so, as a consequence, take the uniqueness, the otherness of the other. Take the other as he is. Take, see the world as it is, without illusions . That is the ability to be (along, with others, with the world), to create, to love.
These qualities can be considered in four directions, distinguished four aspects:
1. Relationship with youselves. Harmonization of relations with youselves, the knowledge and acceptance of his inner world, the reduction of internal conflicts, self-credibility. Integrity through increased acceptance and perception of yourself and mind, and emotions, and bodily experiences. The skills of self-regulation. Ability to creative self-expression and self-actualization. The ability to be with himself, and the ability to be themselves.
2. Relationship with another. Understanding and acceptance of others. The capacity for empathy, empathizing, the resonance relationship, to emotional intimacy and openness with the other person.
3. Relationship with life. The ability to create their own authentic life in its conception, acquisition of «existential meaning», which it feels like a «fullness of life», as the «real» life as performance and as a deep happiness.
4. Relations with the world. Acquisition of openness to Great One around us and the Depth within us, openness, permeability, finding themselves with integrity and unity of Being and with him. Langley: «Here I am free from himself and therefore is free for itself, free for everything else. Only then we can live in the Great One, to find our house, to evolve «(Alfried Längle, lecture «The Spirit and the existential»)
Quality of human maturity can not live without each other, they are interconnected and interdependent, one can not be without the other, and receive one gives life to another, begets others. They form a coherent whole. Therefore, we are gradually moving on the program, sometimes returning to the themes elaborated, as they have seen in a new and more open. We go up like a spiral, gaining more and more support within yourselves.
We learn to organize their lives. Since growing up — a structuring (order out of chaos) of its life, its administration it according their choice, and control begins with taking responsibility. We learn to be included in the process of their own choice and every minute to make it fully conscious.
We explore our roles “Child-Parent-Adult” in aspects of their relationship to the basic existential givens, such as freedom-responsibility, life-death, isolation-merger (complicity), meaning (meaningfulness) — meaninglessness to learn desidentifing with these roles, see and manage them and consciously to understand their value and meaning for themselves. Then, in most cases, to make an conscious choice in favor of its own as an adult, as the most effective.
We explore the state of loneliness, learn to accept it without fear. Then the fear wears off and comes to the joy of freedom and opportunity to work. We learn to be included in the resonant relationship. Finding greater inner freedom, we find the openness and so have the opportunity to deeper emotional intimacy with another person. So we get the ability to resonant interactions, to subject-subject relations, humanly speaking, we become capable of true deep and sincere Love.
All this we do in practice, using techniques already developed before the third phase of the program, if necessary adapting them to the current situation and also create together new techniques. For example, to work with the ego — states created convenient scheme.
Research manifestations of ego states Child-Parent-Adult on basic existential givens freedom, responsibility, life-death, isolation — merger (complicity), meaning (meaningfulness) — meaninglessness.
The general scheme of work
The freedom — responsibility.
The child. Freedom: ______. Responsibility: ______.
Parent. Freedom: ______. Responsibility: ______.
Adult. Freedom: ______. Responsibility: ______.
Life — death.
The child. A life: ______. Death : ______.
Parent. A life: ______. Death : ______.
Adult. A life: ______. Death : ______.
Insulation — merger (complicity).
The child. Insulation: ______. Merger: ______.
Parent. Insulation: ______. Merger: ______.
Adult. Insulation: ______. Merger : ______.
The meaning of (meaningful) — meaninglessness.
The child. Meaning: ______. The meaninglessness: ______.
Parent. Meaning: ______. The meaninglessness: ______.
Adult. Meaning: ______. The meaninglessness: ______.
The scheme is simple. Take the first couple of basic existential givens, and consider the attitude of the roles of each of the Child-Parent-Adult. We draw conclusions. Then take the second pair, and so on. At the end for general conclusions.
To become an author of oneself and one’s life means, first of all, to wake up to oneself and to know oneself and present one’s real desires. Everyone is originally a creator, each is infinitely talented, you only need to get to the depth itself, the home to talents. And then people realize, this is very beautiful, it is unique and therefore valuable. Create your life, the life that will be pleasing, because that will fit my truth. In such a life you will want to be included. With joy, with delight, with love. To live life to the fullest and be the happiest of people.
As more as possible a person opens to his inner world, his feelings, the more he becomes able to empathize with others, to see the inner world of another person, the inner beauty of people. And then he is capable of relationships beautiful, open and sincere. He finds close friends, true friends, with whom he can have intimate communion of soul with soul. And such a man will never be alone.
And besides, an actualized person has the ability to counter the threat of economic crises and other social cataclysms, which leads not only to mental health, but also to economic stability.
So, as a result of our joint work we will inevitably get:
A harmonious relationship with oneself, with others, with their lives, with peace. Happiness is a return of oneself to oneself, is integrity and completeness. Psychological well-being and financial stability. We get creative and interesting, bright, a «delicious» life, the fullness of life in which a person is present as a writer, as a creator. The ability to create, build and bring into the world a new meaning and new beauty. We get the feeling that we are alive and connected into a living Being.
Also with the help of my methods of work, you can easily find the internal resources, hidden abilities, human talents, which are very helpful in life as hobby, giving vitality and joy, or as a business which should be trained professionally, and it can be a matter of life and source of income.
These methods can be used not only for career guidance, but also for the prevention and care of burnout, in depressive states, to exit crises and suicidal states, in the work of formation of psychological maturity and emotional state management in the system of mutual relationships. This work will also be very useful for people of creative professions who want to increase their abilities and open new ones, or who for other reasons are experiencing a creative crisis.
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About the author Balykina Victoria U. was born in 1965. A psychologist, a member of the Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists, a teacher in the project «Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy» of the Odessa Institute of Mental Health, Odessa, Ukraine, firstname.lastname@example.org
Interpreter from Russian — Kravchyk Anton S.